Once upon a time there was a young man. This man married a young lady and they had two very beautiful children. One child, a daughter, was a remarkabe beauty by all standards. So much so that people would stop on the street and inquire about this girl. People gushed over her grace, charm, and just overall exquisiteness!!
What?
Really?
Are you sure???
Oh, okay, then... *sigh* I guess the girl just likes to think that, and this isn't really about the girl anyway so here's the story.
When the children were teens, the man sat the children down and said to them, as he occassionally did, "Kids! Ya'll are spoiled! We need to get back to basics!" Never mind that they really didn't have any money. They didn't live in a really nice house, or drive really nice cars. In fact, the mother liked to make the comment to the children when asked what social class they fit into "We are in poverty!" It wasn't really quite that bad either. *sigh* The adult child begins to think they exxagerate a little.
Anyway, because the children are spoiled and the father had recently watched an HBO program about Nostradamus... Remember Nostradamus? He was the guy that lived in the middle ages and predicted a lot of stuff that came true. He predicted Hitler and Stalin and also predicted that California would fall into the ocean and we would have WWW 3 by the year 2000, I think. It was the 80's when this was on. I've slept since then. But, back to the story.
So, because the children are spoiled and he had just seen this program, the father called another family meeting to tell the children about this program and inform the children of their spoiled-ness and declare that the whole family would be packing up and moving to Canada, a neutral country and will become hermits and live off the land! "Okay, Dad!" said the spoiled children. They really didn't think they were spoiled just so you know.
So, the parents took the children to their grandmother's house in Amarillo where they stayed a few weeks. The most beautiful girl in the world used that time to practice moving things with her mind. That didn't really work out in case you were wondering. She worked hard at it though!! The girl also refused to go see the movie the grandmother wanted to take them to see. The movie had really good reviews but the girl had been burned by that before. You see, she had seen Moonstruck. So, she wouldn't be sucked in by the critics again. The movie was ET. She has since seen the movie as an adult and it's really a very good movie. Huh.
While the children were busy at the grandmother's house, the parents went to Colorado and secured a home for the family. The father declared that he had been an uphosterer his entire adult life and needed a change. He shall become a bartender! "Okay Dad!" said the spoiled children. As a side note, it only just occurs to me that a hermit really can't make much money as a bartender. Huh.
So, the whole family moves into an extremely cool place in Colorado with a fantastic view of Pike's Peak. The father says "Kids, we're never going back to Texas!! We're going to continue moving north until we get to Canada where we will live in the mountains, be hermits, and live off the land." "Okay, Dad!" replied the spoiled children.
What a grand time that family had in Colorado!!! It was August so they drove up Pike's Peak, went fishing and caught the most delicious rainbow trout ever. They paid some good friends to help them move and the friends stayed a week and participated in the fun. The kids started school where they immediately made friends who said "decent" all the time. The kids thought that was a funny, "ordinary" thing to say and it cracked them up for years!!. Snow fell early. The kids being from Texas had never experienced such a thing and thought it was most exciting! The family lived on a mountain with some of their friends from school and on a weekend day, all the kids would go tubing down the mountain. It's like sledding on big, giant inner tubes. That was great fun for the spoiled children!!!
The family also brought their horses with them and would ride in the mountains of Colorado. They thought the scenery was breathtaking but they also liked to make fun of the silly Coloradoans because of what they called "ranches". Silly Coloradoans need to come to Texas and see a ranch.
(disclaimer! This is not to offend anyone from Colorado!!! I love it there!! But, seriously......... You wanna see a ranch? I'll show you a ranch. I kid. It's funny cause its true! :)
Back to the story. Do you need an intermission? Well, then go take one. You're reading! You can stop whenever you want. I'll wait......waiting....waiting......waiting....Okay, done?
The father during this time is going to bartending school. When the family first got to Colorado, there were millions of ads in the paper for bartenders. "Wow! this is going to be goldmine!!!" By the time the father finishes bartending school, the first snow had fallen and all the jobs had been taken. Bummer!!!!!
So, the money starts to get low. The parents are then rethinking their plan. The grandmother of the spoiled children said "Why don't ya'll come back home and stay with me??? I have a great, big, giant house with plenty of room for everyone!" Hmmmmmm, thinks the parents. Could we? Should we? Family meeting time!
"Kids, we can stay here and tough it out and continue with our plan or we can go back to Texas. What do ya'll want to do?" The spoiled children happily replied "Go back to Texas!!!!.......see our friends, and then come back and THEN continue on with the plan!" Between you and me, I don't think the children totally understood the situation.
To which, the parents responded "No, we stay or we go. Not both!" "Oh, hmmmmmm. Okay, I guess let's go back" said the kids.
So, the parents sold some plasma... Well, they needed money. The children waited all day outside the plasma bank because the parents had never given plasma before and didn't realize there would be urine samples involved. The father REALLY had to go tinkle when he got there..... Well, he just had a Dr Pepper. How was he supposed to know???? Don't judge.
The parents then sold a horse and loaded up all their belongings into a 3 horse trailer and pick-up truck along with 2 horses! They loaded up the spoiled children into a single cab and drove from Colorado to Dallas and stayed with the grandmother for awhile. There were more adventures following that move, involving a crazy uncle, homemade tamales, a crazy cousins boyfriend, a small house, and a rooster named Raoul. But, I'll save that for another day.
Suffice it to say, the children never felt spoiled but they did feel loved. In case you hadn't figure it out yet, I am the beautiful girl. OKAY, OKAY!!! I'll stop!! and the father in the story is.....MY DAD!!!!!!!!!!
That was a great adventure! Our family didn't have a lot of money, but we sure had a lot of fun!! Thanks for all of it Dad and Happy Father's Day! I love you.
*another disclaimer -- No Coloradoans were hurt in the making of this true story. No animals were hurt either except for some delicious rainbow trout!! I don't think they mind though. I have only nice things to say about them.
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