Well, Hello there!
How have you been?
I've been okay. I've been busy with various things but I had to stop blogging about those things for a while.
Why? you ask? Well, let me tell you. I started having HORRIBLE anxiety issues and I don't know if it was BECAUSE of blogging or if I just DECIDED that it was because of blogging. It was very weird. And it was so bad that I couldn't even read a blog or hear the word blog without getting short of breath and feeling very weird.
Buuuuuuut, I'm better now and have things to tell you. I know, lucky huh?
Lots of things have happened since I saw you last. I've embraced my curly hair. I haven't blown it out in like 3 months. That's one thing.
My stepson got married. To a girl named Misty. His name is Robbie. My husbands name is Robbie. My name is Misty. Also weird. I like to call them Robbie and Misty Pearson 2.0. Or all of us Robbie and Misty squared. No one acts like thats so clever. Probably because they think its so clever and they have nothing quite so clever to say back to me. So they just stand there looking at me like I have a snake on my head, which I don't. Because they have nothing as clever to say. Yes. I'm quite sure that's it. I'll post pictures later.
I started cleaning Terry Bradshaw's pool. I met him. He's nice. I saw these two little guys on the way to Mr Bradshaw's house.
So, there's that.
I got some new baby chicks. I got them from Larry, the bird man down the road. I told him I wanted ten baby chicks because I use an old rabbit hutch as a brooder. Last time I got twenty of them and they got so heavy they busted out the bottom. When they hatched he called me and I explained the whole ratty brooder thing to him. Then he must have forgotten because he said " I know you only wanted a dozen of them but can you take fifteen?" "Yeah, sure. I guess it'll be fine." I replied. When I picked them up he said "I had extra so I gave you four extra." I don't think he was listening to me. So all nineteen go in the rabbit hutch brooder. I went out one morning and found this in there.
Yeah, its belly is full of 4 baby chicks! Here's what happened with THAT.
Before I begin....If you are a member of PETA or are a small, impressionable child read this paragraph and ignore the rest of the post.
I found this adorable, chubby creature in my chicken brooder one morning and I was so excited to have such a lovely visitor grace my chickeny home that I exclaimed "Why, Hello little fella! Whatcha doin? Where's your mama? You don't know? Well, let me help you find her." Then, I dressed him up in a little sailor suit (unless you're one of those PETA people that thinks dressing up animals in a sailor suit is torture. Then, I totally didn't do that. I dont really know whats acceptable PETA behavior.) and buckled him up in THE BACKSEAT, BECAUSE ITS SAFER. PETA wink. and we drove around looking for the poor things mother. Of course we stopped for a healthy lunch, first. I couldn't have him getting hungry. He wanted candy but I said "No. It will rot out your teeth." I said that firmly but softly so as not to traumatize him by diminishing his feelings. After lunch, I took him to the park where we played and played. Oh, how we played! He said "You're the BEST!" I thanked him and said he has pretty hair. Then, we found his mommy. She thought he looked adorable. She gave me a big hug, thanked me for bringing her baby back and they slithered off into the sunset....
Nothing else happened. The rest of this post is just me ranting about what a raw deal rodeo monkeys get. Really. Trust me.
Okay, now for everybody else:
I totally stole that idea from Jenny Lawson's book. What a great way to avoid ugly lawsuits or at the very least someone throwing snake blood on me when I wear my faux fur jackets. I'm not technically against real fur. I just can't afford it. But, I digress.
I was on my way to work at Pearson Pools, your one stop pool shop, one Saturday morning where I work with my husband. Don't be jealous. Seriously, working with your husband is not as fun as it sounds.
Anyway, I was leaving for work and went in to check on the chicks and that snake was in there. I called Robbie and yelled "There's a snake in the coop!!!!! What do I do???" To which he replied "REALLY? A snake?" (okay let me insert here about how I anticipated his worry and undying love for me and his masculine need to save me as a damsel in distress. What he really said is...) "Thats weird...but more importantly how is that going to affect my breakfast?" To which I said "Breakfast?!? Gotta go, bye!"
Then, I immediately called Melanie and yelled "There's a snake in my brooder!!! What do I do? What do I do?" To which she replied, much more helpfully than the breakfast retort I might add "Get an axe or a machete and kill it."
Me: I don't have an axe or a machete
Her: WHO doesn't have an axe or a machete?!?
Me: Well, obviously I don't have an axe or a machete
Her: Well, okay then. Go in and get a big kitchen knife
Me: I don't HAVE a big chicken knife either!
Her: No! I said a big KITCHEN knife. You need something you can strike down on it to kill it
Me: ummmmmm.....yeah, I aint doing that. I am NOT putting my hand close enough to the snakes head to let it kill me. Never mind, I'll figure something out.
So, I run into the house and wake up my 19 year old son. "Jake, Jake wake up!!! There's a snake in the chicken coop!! Do you want to shoot it?" He groggily shakes his head no. So I say "Well, what do I do??" He says in his sleepy teenager voice very unhelpfully (He is his father's son after all.) "Why don't you just go kill it with something?" Geee.....why didn't I think of that? :/
So, now I realize I'm in this all alone. Me against the world....er...snake. So I think....Hmmmmmm....We have guns. Shotguns and rifles but I don't know where the shells are. We have a hundgun that I'm sure is loaded but I think 'What are my odds of actually hitting a snake with THAT and I'd probably blow out the whole bottom of the brooder and then I'd really be screwed. So I ditch that idea and go into the shop and see what I've got to work with. I have a shovel, a hoe, (no not a 'ho! Although, she'd probably be pretty tough and might actually be more helpful than the males of my household.) and a sledgehammer. A sledgehammer!! Oh I can work with those!
So, I take my tools and go back into the coop. I lift the lid and take the shovel and very swiftly strike down on the snake behind its head. Well, that just pissed him off. Pandemonium ensues. He strikes. I scream and run. He can't get out of the brooder because hes so full of chicken. I calm myself by realizing that he didn't actually strike at ME but at the shovel and snakes aren't by nature super smart and probably doesn't even realize that I'M the one trying to kill him. So I go back in and do it again. And one more time. (crappy shovel is a piece of crap at killing snakes.) I ditch the shovel and pick up the hoe (which incidentally is what I wanted to use in the first place until Melanie told me a kitchen knife was a MUCH better idea. pssssh) I use the hoe to pull him out of the brooder at a nice, safe, leisurely if you will, distance away from me. I toss him over the chicken yard fence and then strike down with the sledgehammer. He gets a knot on his body from the blow but that didn't kill him either so I whack a couple more times. Finally! I think I got him.
That took like 30 minutes and Robbie was all "Sooooo, are you bringing breakfast anytime soon?" The rest of the day was pretty uneventful so I won't bore you with all that. I did have an event in my yoga studio that afternoon where I told my friends about the snake incident. One friend was getting a migraine and I asked her if she wanted an aspirin or something and she said "No, I need someone to just chop my head off." Then she realized what she just said in light of the snake story, and after a seconds thought said "But, NOT YOU!!" I did go out later and buy a machete, some long hedgetrimmers, some screen material to staple around the brooder, and some stuff called Snake Repellant. Its made with cinnamon and cloves and stuff. It smells really good. In fact, as I sprinkled it all over the place I thought that it really freshened up the smell of the whole chicken coop. I thought 'I am kicking some serious snake ass tonight!'
Don't buy snake repellant. The very next night I went out and found another snake EATING a chick!!! This is what happened to that one
Thank you long hedgetrimmers!
A couple nights later I found yet ANOTHER snake in the brooder! I didn't take a picture of that one. It looks the same as the other ones, so why bother.
The chicks have been released from the brooder at this time.
Just tonight, I go out and there's yet ANOTHER snake making its way into my coop. Dangit! What the heck? (Except I didn't say Dangit or heck. I think I also said some other things that I'm not proud of but just escape from your body when you see a snake.) So, I killed that one too, which was much scarier because its mouth or belly wasn't full of anything. It was dark and I had to run away and get a grip at one point. On top of that, there is poison ivy EVERYWHERE!. The only thing I can say is.....Stupid snake repellant!
I am, however, becoming quite proficient at snake removal. And ironically, I now have 10 baby chicks! So I guess it all worked out for the best.
So, that's what's been going on with me.
Hmmm...what else? Oh yeah. I almost went to jail. We started selling hot tubs at the store. I went to Arkansas on a business trip. My mom thought I was going to get lost there. I didn't. I almost killed myself on a zero turn radius lawn mower. Aaaaaaannnnddd I got instagram for my android phone!
To keep with the theme, I'm sharing a recipe. I may or may not have already shared it. I don't know. Pioneer Woman also recently shared this recipe but trust me. It was mine first! I got this recipe over 20 years ago from my mom. She and her friend made these for my dad's birthday one year and it was a HUGE hit. The friend started making them and selling them in her bar and refused to give me the recipe. My mom said "She wouldn't give you the recipe?!? What the heck/ (except my mom doesn't say heck) Its on the bottle of the hot sauce!" Its on the bottle of Franks RedHot to be exact. But, I'll give it to you anyway so you don't have to read the tiny writing on the hot sauce bottle. Its because I care so much. You're welcome.
5# cut up chicken wing pieces (yes 5#. Trust me)
1 bottle of Franks RedHot sauce (NOT the buffalo wing sauce!)
about 2T butter
oil for frying
Fry the wings in the hot oil. drain on paper towels.
In a saucepan or microwave, heat up the hot sauce and butter. (Do NOT breathe!! Its hot and you'll choke on the fumes. I wish someone told me that little tidbit! Again. You're welcome) Put the wings in a large bowl and pour the sauce over them. Stir to coat the wings and serve with Ranch dressing. You can use Blue Cheese if you prefer but here in Texas we like our Ranch. Then, and this is important. Not quite as important as not breathing and choking, but almost. Set the bowl down in front of your hungry men and then move back and get your hands out of the way quickly!
Okay. So that's it for now. I'll catch you up later on everything else. In the meantime, tell me what you've been up to.
This post is linked to Fight Back Friday and Barn Hop. Check 'em out!